Well, ladies and bearded ladies, it is finally time.
The moment we have waited all year for is finally upon us. We are proud as punch to present to you the FOURTH ANNUAL TABLE ROCKS MUSIC FESTIVAL!
As per our promise to bring nothing but the freshest and the illest, we continue the year's tradition of bands with new albums taking the stage. if you like what you see tonight, pick up a new record, or 8-track, or those compact mirror discs that look like little records but don't work on turntables.. Whatever it is you kids are doing these day, get it.
ALIEN ANT FARM
With a line up like this, you can't go wrong.
By the way, if you don't want next year's Table Rocks to be a Table Twangs, you need to show up. No, serious man. You all broke my heart this year. We brought the biggest shows at the lowest price for the last four years to this valley, and unless you show up today, this might be the end of an era!
If you want to pay $65 to sit at the Britt and see a single band, by all means, go do that. But if you want a fistful of kickass bands that play all day and costs a mere $30 to see ALL OF THEM... I got one word for you....
Technically, that's two words, but...
This really is your last chance to make Southern Oregon ROCK AGAIN. Next year, we're getting belt buckles, cowboy hats, and inner-lip cancer, and we're going to start playing some heehaw music up in hyah!
Is that what you want? Are you gonna look your child in the eye and say, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but we don't rock in this valley. You have to listen to... uh, Jefferson Rawlins..." Because you're gonna have to.
Because you had the chance to keep rock alive, and you killed it.
$30 for six bands?
Or $65 for one.
Look at your child. If you don't have a child, look at yourself.
Look them or you in the eye, and say, "Today, I let rock and roll die in the valley. Me, personally, who had $30 to see some awesome bands, but I needed $65 to go to elsewhere and do less. I made sure that there will never be another amazing rock show in Southern Oregon! I AM THE DARKNESS!!!"
Now, this is the part where I should go just cry myself to sleep, but instead, I'm going to the rock show and I am going to have the time of my life.